The Kama Sutra

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The Kama Sutra is the classic Indian guide to sex and human relationships. Written over 1600 years ago, it's one of those texts which you think you know. "Oh," you say, in the right situation, "sounds like something straight out of the Kama Sutra!" And you smile knowingly. Not even registering that you've never come even close to the script your entire life. If you know what we mean.

The text, as we're sure you know, is an ancient Indian Hindu script. It was ascribed to Mallanaga Vatsyayana, who originally wrote it for the Kshatriya, or Warrior caste, in India. In 1883 the first English translation was published under the guidance of the Victorian Imperialist explorer Richard Burton. It remains one of those publishing exotics: a book that everybody knows and doesn't know.

Beautiful Books commissioned the rather wonderful Tanya Franks to read the text and for just £8.99 you can download the whole thing to your computer, to transfer on to your MP3 Player, iTunes or burn to a CD. Remember, this is a high quality production so you'll need a broadband connection for the download. Once you've downloaded it, you've got two glorious full hours made up of the following:

1. Introductory: Chapters on contents of the book, three aims and priorities of life, the acquisition of knowledge, conduct of the well-bred townsman, reflections on intermediaries who assist the lover in his enterprises.
2. On sexual union: Chapters on stimulation of desire, types of embraces, caressing and kisses, marking with nails, biting and marking with teeth, on copulation (positions), slapping by hand and corresponding moaning, virile behavior in women, superior coition and oral sex, preludes and conclusions to the game of love. It describes 64 types of sexual acts.
3. About the acquisition of a wife: Chapters on forms of marriage, relaxing the girl, obtaining the girl, managing alone, union by marriage.
4. About a wife: Chapters on conduct of the only wife and conduct of the chief wife and other wives.
5. About others' wives: Chapters on behavior of woman and man, how to get acquainted, examination of sentiments, the task of go-between, the king's pleasures, behaviour in the women's quarters.
6. About courtesans: Chapters on advice of the assistants on the choice of lovers, looking for a steady lover, ways of making money, renewing friendship with a former lover, occasional profits, profits and losses.
7. On the means of attracting others to one's self: Chapters on improving physical attractions, arousing a weakened sexual power.; Where would good old Sting be without the Kama Sutra? (John Mortimer's famous Kama Sutra joke: Have you heard about the latest Tantric Sex position? It's called The Plumber. You stay in all day and nobody comes...) Where would all our knowing metaphors be without the Kama Sutra? Isn't it about time that you dived into the real thing?